


My Sanctuary

by KeiBlogs



Category: Kingdom Hearts, riku/Sora Kingdom hearts
Genre: M/M, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:00:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23148877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeiBlogs/pseuds/KeiBlogs
Summary: “You found me…” Sora said, his voice astonished. How could he not have? Riku had promised, hadn’t he? Regardless, Sora was soon tugged into his arms fully, squeezing him so hard that part of Riku was afraid he might crush him and yet Sora held him just as tightly. Sora was crying… Riku could feel the wetness against his shirt, the shaking of his shoulders.“Of course I did.” He said simply, lifting a hand to thread his fingers through Sora’s spiky hair. “I promised you… I would protect you.” He felt Sora laugh, but it sounded wet, like he was trying not to start sobbing right there. It wasn’t anything new… Riku still remembered years ago when Sora had realized that it was him beneath Ansem’s face. How Sora had dropped to his knees and broken apart right there regardless of their onlookers.
Relationships: Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku Replica/Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 58
Collections: SoRiku, Soriku fics





	1. Home Again

"Riku.."

His heart stopped the moment he heard that whisper... The sweet sound of his voice that he'd been missing for... God, he'd lost count of how many days. He lifted his teal colored eyes, searching for him; feeling him so close that his heart was literally reaching for him. But he wasn't hard to find. He was right there; coming from a blue-ish light that had kept Sora captive all this time. Riku reached out just as Sora came forward; felt him in his arms in a way that stole his breath and made him feel as though this was a dream but, it wasn't. He was here. 

"You found me..." Sora said, his voice astonished. How could he not have? Riku had promised, hadn't he? Regardless, Sora was soon tugged into his arms fully, squeezing him so hard that part of Riku was afraid he might crush him and yet Sora held him just as tightly. Sora was crying... Riku could feel the wetness against his shirt, the shaking of his shoulders.

"Of course I did." He said simply, lifting a hand to thread his fingers through Sora's spiky hair. "I promised you... I would protect you." He felt Sora laugh, but it sounded wet, like he was trying not to start sobbing right there. It wasn't anything new... Riku still remembered years ago when Sora had realized that it was him beneath Ansem's face. How Sora had dropped to his knees and broken apart right there regardless of their onlookers.

"You--" He stopped, lifting his head from Riku's chest to looked up at him with red rimmed eyes that still shone the color of the ocean on a cloudless day. "You promised that when we were like, six." He was grinning through the tears. He was happy.

"Yeah.. And I meant it. No matter what. I never said I'd stop protecting you.." Clarified though he was aware that finding was different than outright protecting. 

"Sap." Sora grinned all the more, still so willingly in Riku's arms and Riku wasn't letting go. Not ever...

"Look who's talking." He had to tease him but Sora wasn't a kid anymore. He didn't pout or get huffy from it. Instead he, just smiled back fondly in a way that made Riku feel warm from the tip of his hair to his toes. It was honestly ridiculous. "....Let's get you home..." He said after a while, wanting to reach up and wipe the tears from Sora's cheeks but restrained himself. It was too sweet a gesture... Too intimate. He wanted to anyway. Sora nodded before he could, stepping back from Riku's arms and leaving an empty feeling where he had been... but when Sora took his hand next, Riku was satiated. He turned, Sora at his side, and it was all Riku had ever wanted...

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Sora!!"

Kairi was one of the first but certainly not the last to bombard Sora with tearful affection and grateful words. Riku had prepared for it, watched at a distance as she clung so tightly to Sora and cried in his arms; apologizing over and over again... Riku's eyes softened watching this, knowing full well how distraught Kairi had been when this... had all happened. He was even smiling subtly as Sora spoke to her, telling her how she didn't have to, that it was all worth it... Riku's guard was completely down by that point, seeing his two best friends finally together, so much so that he hadn't expected it when it suddenly happened. One moment Kairi was looking up at him with her purplish blue eyes, radiant in the sunlight, and the next... She.. was kissing him. Her tears streamed down her cheeks, her arms around his shoulders so tightly that Sora could only hold her in return. 

Riku's heart shattered into a thousand tiny fragments. He couldn't breathe. It was so painful that he had no idea how to react; this was a million times worse than what he went through in the darkness all alone... He could only stare blankly at the pair until a quiet laugh snapped him out of it. Selphie had walked up beside him. 

"Finally--" She gushed. Riku made no comment. "They've been holding that in forever!" 

When Kairi finally pulled away, Sora was blushing and laughing in that way he did when he was extremely embarrassed, one hand still on her back. Riku slowly came out of it as Sora glanced over at him, searching for something in his eyes. Was it acceptance? Maybe he thought that Riku still wanted to fight for her affections. He didn't. It wasn't her. 'It's you, Sora. Don't you see?' He thought to himself, guarding his expression, and when he forced a smile, it felt shaky. Sora's returning one was just as uncertain. Kairi, on the other hand, was smiling at Sora like her entire world had just aligned. It wasn't-- No. Riku shut down his thoughts before they could finish and turned to walk down the beach; away from this as if he could outrun his heartbreak. He'd been so insanely happy before. He'd found Sora, he was finally with him again, and yet it never occurred to him that this might happen.

What had he expected though, really? They were older now, more mature, more jaded. They were growing impatient; Riku knew he himself was. He walked in silence, needing this time to himself to full process what he had seen, but in doing so, he was bombarded by his own memories of their childhood. He found an old plank buried deep in the sand on the other side of the play island and shoved it with his foot.. He wondered if it had belonged to the raft they'd built all those years ago.

"Riku!" 

His head lifted, having not even realized that he'd literally been sulking in his short time alone with his hands in his pockets. Exasperated with himself, he straightened up and turned even as a piercing hot stab of pain entered his heart once again seeing Sora run up to him. He wasn't even out of breath like he would have been when they were kids. Seeing him here instead of out on numerous other worlds and fighting heartless was really putting into perspective how much Sora had grown and yet, it was making Riku look back fondly all the same. Sora had come so far.

"I just--" Sora started, his blue eyes wide and... panicked? Riku could imagine why. But Sora didn't say anything else for a few moments, looking like he was having trouble putting it to words. His heart shaped face was screwed up in frustration as he tried.

"Sora. It's okay." He said for him. It wasn't, though.

"Riku..." Sora looked up at him, his brows furrowing. "I didn't... plan that. Not at all. You know that, right?"

"Of course. She's been missing you all this time, you know.. I kind of figured that she would make the first move. You're kind of oblivious." 

"Am not!" He had to retaliate and it just made Riku smile more genuinely at him. 'You really are, Sora.' He thought to himself, and the heartache must have shone in his eyes as Sora suddenly looked worried and bent forward with concern.

"Riku, I--"

"Really. It's okay. You two... it's kind of always been obvious, you know? You deserve to be happy." And he meant that. "It doesn't change anything between us. I'm not going to get jealous. I just... want to be here with you." Saying he wanted to be his friend was too much even for him. Because he didn't... not anymore. But if he could watch Sora simply live happily.. he thought that might be enough.

"...You're always with me, Riku." Sora said kindly and Riku tried not to let out the painful breath that evoked. It was okay.. Really. He could deal with this. 

"I just want you to be happy, Sora. You've put so much of yourself into everyone else.." He shook his head... "It sounds so cliche, right? Just be happy." His eyes rolled a little, looking away from Sora. "The princess and her knight."

"...You're more of a knight than I am." Sora said with a stressed laugh, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture he'd had since they were kids. "What if... I'm not.." He seemed to have trouble with the words, what he really wanted to ask, and Riku reached out to ruffle his ridiculous hair. 

"You've got this, Sora. Just be you." He said earnestly, and Sora peeked up at him through his mussed up bangs. 'You're perfect.' Riku thought then, that shy expression on Sora's face making his lungs need air more than running laps ever would.

"It's not--" Sora started again but they both looked up at hearing someone call for them. At first, they saw no one, but lifting their gazes higher had them spotting Tidus up on the outpost waving at them. Sora looked back to Riku and there were a million things that Sora seemed to want to say, simply by looking into his eyes. But Riku only smiled again, placed a hand on his shoulder, and walked passed to save him the trouble. Riku's pain over this wasn't Sora's responsibility. Nothing that Riku had been through was... Maybe.... Maybe this was karma for betraying Sora..? For letting himself be taken over by the darkness... 

'Or maybe this is just how things are and you can't accept that Sora just doesn't want you in that way.' His mind spoke reason, and Riku let out a sigh, knowing it was right. Sora was hurrying to catch up to him, he could hear his footfalls behind him, and together the two of them climbed the hill to the outpost to see what Tidus needed so badly.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

School was over by the time Riku, Sora, and Kairi had settled back into their lives on Destiny Islands, so that was one thing off of Riku's list of worries. Although, now, he had too much time on his hands to think. And thinking was not something he wanted to do, as everywhere he turned, there was Sora. There was Kairi. The pair of them held hands, they went on little dates, they kissed while sitting together on the play island. Weeks went by like this; everyone in bliss. Everyone so happy to see the trio back, safe and sound. Everyone... except for Riku. He felt like such a nuisance for feeling this way, even to himself, but so long as he didn't show it outwardly, it would be fine... Right? 

It wasn't.

It was almost three weeks later that Sora showed up at his house, worried because he hadn't seen him in a few days. Riku understood that, really, given that they'd spent so much time searching for each other in the past few years. And honestly, he felt the same. He wanted to be next to Sora every second of every single day. But when those moments included open affection between Sora and Kairi; affection that Riku had wished for himself, he felt sickened in his heart. Ashamed. And so... he started to distance a bit. Not much-- Just, enough to keep himself from seeing them together. And he had to admit, that was a huge chunk of time he was missing out on, because Kairi didn't want to leave Sora's side either.

He sighed as he went to the door, knowing Sora's knock by memory now and knew well who he'd see on the other side. It was him, of course, dressed for the beach in sandals, shorts, and a loose t-shirt. He looked amazing. 

"Geez--" Sora laughed, looking almost exasperated and tanner already being out in the tropical sun every single day. "Looks like I'll always be chasing you, huh?" He teased, and it brought a smile to Riku's face. 

"I'm only a few doors down, Sora." Riku stepped back, letting Sora walk into his fairly quaint home. It was nice, if not a bit empty. 

"Right, right." Sora waved his hand casually, but his eyes spoke differently. "You're not avoiding me, are you?" He asked suddenly, and had the pleasure of seeing Riku look momentarily surprised. But Sora was known for being very open and even a bit blunt when he wanted answers. 

"Of course not." Riku said honestly, and he wasn't lying. He was avoiding Sora and Kairi as a pair. Not Sora. "I--"

"You are." Sora emphasized and turned towards him, about to say more, but Riku just lifted his hand to stop him. It worked but Sora looked like he was about to puff up any second with the words he'd likely rehearsed already.

"I promise... I just miss you and me time, okay?" Riku said easily and watched the air leave Sora's lungs.. He saw the uncertainty there, then the slight smile on Sora's face that melted Riku's own heart, shattered as it was. 

"...Okay. What do you want to do?" Sora asked with a brighter expression, and Riku was reminded when it was just them. Holding hands as kids, chasing each other across the beach, and sleeping together at night. He remembered how it felt when Sora first climbed into his bed and scooted close against his side. He missed that. He wondered what it would be like now in comparison. 

"..Well.." Riku pondered... "How about a sleepover? Like old times." He had to ask regardless of how silly or childish it might be. He thought they both might need a little silly childishness in their lives right about then...


	2. A Step in the Right Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trio moment and hints at a deeper issue.

Sora had to admit; Riku moved on fast.  
  
It was weird, almost, the way Riku immediately moved out of his parent's house, the way he shut himself away from everyone.... Including Sora. He'd been so sure that everything would go back to normal... But it wouldn't, he knew that now in more ways than one. Knew that after spending the night with him and seeing the way Riku put subtle distances between them. How he smiled at him and yet, it didn't reach his eyes. But Sora wasn't an idiot. Riku had been through so much, more than he even realized, actually, as Sora had seen him die in the Keyblade Graveyard. Had felt the dreameater link between their hearts go silent and turn to dust the moment Riku had been torn away. It still haunted him. Sora thought it always would.  
  
The night they'd had the sleepover, Sora had slept on the floor in a pile of pillows, and the nightmare shook him awake; leaving him panting and shuddering in the dark. He thought it might have gone unnoticed because for an instant, he was sure the link was still down from what had happened... but when he looked up and saw Riku's eyes staring back at him in the dim lighting, he knew it hadn't been. Riku didn't say a word, but he shifted back further into the bed and lifted the blankets like when they were kids. Sora didn't even hesitate-- He'd practically clambered in beside the silver-haired teen and cuddled up against his chest despite knowing how childish it must seem. He didn't care. At first he kept his hands to himself but his eyes closed again, seeing those images of Riku being engulfed by the demon tower, he wrapped his arms around him and practically clawed at his back.  
  
He'd felt Riku hesitate for only a heart beat before the embrace was returned and Sora slept again, blissfully dreamless and deep in a way he was surprised of when he finally awoke hours later when the sun had risen. He'd sat up, feeling stunned and glanced over his shoulder at Riku. He'd been sleeping in Kairi's bed for a while by this point, and as comfortable as it was.. he always had the nightmares. Always felt shaken and stressed when he'd opened his eyes the next morning... Maybe it was because Riku's arms around him literally proved to his sleeping self that the nightmares weren't real in this lifetime. He wondered what Kairi would think of that... If he ever told her, that is. This felt a little.... personal, even though it was Kairi he was considering keeping it from.  
  
Riku, meanwhile, was still dead asleep with his lips slightly parted, his hair still somehow perfect even in bed. He wasn't one to move much in his sleep while Sora... well, he definitely was. He drooled and clung and moved randomly. It was funny really. When he was little he'd had to bring his own pillow over because he'd been worried about slobbering all over one of Riku's during the night. The memory made him smile... It was that look that Riku woke up to and Sora's smile brightened immediately upon seeing his teal eyes.   
  
"Hey~ Morning--" He greeted, but cut off when Riku reached up to Sora's hair with a sleepy look in his eyes.   
  
"Bedhead.." He'd said to Sora, which just earned a little laugh as he pulled away from his hand and scruffed his own hair up all the more and gave him a goofy face to make him laugh. It worked.  
  
"I don't know how you have this much energy in the mornings." Riku chuckled, sitting up to rub his eyes before looking back at Sora fairly seriously.. It made Sora sober up a little and sit straighter..  
  
"..What?"  
  
"Nothing, just... What are those nightmares you keep having...? It's been going on since.." He thought Riku might drop it for a simple response... but Sora made the mistake of wincing a bit at the question, which just made Riku's eyes narrow on him more in suspicion.  
  
"It's not really.. something that I can explain in a few minutes, Riku.." Sora had looked away, unable to stand gazing back at Riku's intense expression, knowing it was from worry. He was sick of everyone worrying about him. Wasn't it _his_ job to worry about _them??_  
  
"Who said you only had a few minutes? We can talk all day if you need to." Riku said with such.. deep understanding that Sora looked back at him with surprise and... felt incredibly touched. He almost said that he'd like that. That it might be exactly what they both needed.. Instead, he spoke too soon and ruined it.  
  
"Well, I was going to meet Kairi for breakfast--" The words were out before he could stop them and already mid-sentence, he watched Riku's face close off and he withdrew his hand from Sora's. Sora hadn't even realized he'd been holding it. "But-- Uh, I can.. I can call and say maybe later?"  
  
"No. She's missed you so much.. She deserves to have time with you too.." He'd reasoned, straightening out his perfectly straight hair for no good reason. Just, fidgeting. When Riku turned his face back to Sora and gave him another smile, he recognized it as fake. Just the like ones he'd given him on the beach.  
  
"Riku...." Sora felt.. suddenly extremely unsure and leaned in to place both his hands on his. "I--"  
  
"It's fine, really. Go on. You need a shower before you go.. I think some of my old clothes will fit you just fine now so you can look through the closet.." He pulled his hand out from under Sora's and scooted away to look through the open window. That just made Sora feel worse.  
  
"W-- Why do you keep cutting me off??" He suddenly blurted and Riku looked back at him with widened eyes. Sora rarely raised his voice in frustration, but it had been happening a lot more recently. He'd been through.. literal hell...  
  
"...What do you mean?"  
  
"Every time I try to tell you something when you seem upset, you just-- shut down and shut _me_ down. It's not fair."   
  
"....." Riku said nothing, and Sora recognized it as a defense mechanism to make the other stop talking. It didn't work when they were kids and it definitely didn't work now.   
  
"Well?" He pushed and Riku let out a slight breath..  
  
"Maybe I'm afraid of what you'll say.." His tone was so, honest that Sora went quiet but.. he didn't understand.  
  
"Why would you be--"  
  
"Maybe I'm afraid... that one day you'll tell me that you don't have time for me.. that we're moving in different directions now.."  
  
"Riku, I wouldn't--"  
  
"You don't know that yet... But when people become a couple.. the third wheel eventually breaks off." He continued, again cutting off Sora's words which just made his tanned, freckled cheeks flush with anger and embarrassment. He hated that. Why couldn't he just let him talk for once??  
  
"Riku-- You're _not_ a third wheel! And, goddamnit, I don't even _know_ if I _want_ to date Kairi!!" He just, blurted out, suddenly frustrated and eager to get his thoughts out there because _obviously_ he wouldn't be able to if Riku kept _cutting him off--_ Of course, the reaction he'd anticipated happened and Riku widened his eyes in shock hearing that.   
  
"....What?"  
  
"She's our best friend, Riku! I love her, of course I do, but-- I mean... it's just that I've seen all these fairytale romances played out in front of me and... I realized, I've never really felt that for her. She's like.. my soulmate but.. so are you." He sighed a little and reached up to run his fingers through his own spiky hair in frustration. "And she knows that. I told her that a few days ago because it just felt like.. friends kissing and not.. More.... And she agrees. I don't know, I always thought it would kind of click... but the older I've gotten, the less it makes sense."  
  
Riku was just, staring at him still with a slightly opened mouth like.. he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sora took that silence to his advantage though, knowing it might be his only real chance.  
  
"So, we're not dating anymore.. We tried. I think we owed it to ourselves to try because everyone kept thinking it would be inevitable. But we're not-- I mean, we just don't... click? In that way. Honestly, we both just want you to stop distancing yourself, Riku." Finished and let out a breath as he finally got it off of his chest. Riku stayed silent for a while. Sora watched a few different emotions play across his face before settling on one.. Uncertainty.  
  
"...Should I say I'm, sorry that you two broke up?" He finally asked and Sora just, let out the smallest laugh and shoved him.   
  
"No. We're both okay with it. I _would_ have told you sooner but every time I tried to--"  
  
"I'd cut you off."   
  
"Yeah. You _would_. Just like that." Said a bit, huffily as Riku had literally done it again.  
  
"...Sorry." But the corners of Riku's lips had finally turned up again and he let out a chuckle; light and amused, and finally less lonely.  
  
"So.. do you want to come with me for breakfast..? Kairi's missed you.." He asked after a moment of sitting there beside him on the bed, the blankets still ruffled but the air was less tense, less heavy.. It was nice.  
  
"...Yeah, I think I would..." And Sora's smile was bright and boundless as he looked back at him, which only made Riku shake his head with amusement before shoving him off the bed. Sora fell with a loud _oof_ before he jumped up and gave him his best pout that was anything but sincere.  
  
"I call spousal abuse, b-t-w. I'm telling Kairi." He teased as he walked off over to the closet to steal some of Riku's clean clothes... He was right too. All of Riku's old clothes were the size Sora was _now_. He tried not to let that bother him. Sora grabbed a red shirt with a yellow star on the front, and a pair of shorts before running off to the bathroom to shower.  
  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.  
  
It was nearly two hours later that they were walking down the street to the diner Kairi had chosen and the look on her face when she spotted Riku at Sora's side was bright like the sun and just as warm. Of course, that didn't keep the stern tone out of her voice when they sat down. She berated Riku, asking where he'd been and why it had been sooooo important to skip out on his friends. He didn't have many answers and she wasn't satisfied but let it go after a few minutes before turning to Sora and asking any number of questions concerning keyblade training. After a while, the conversation turned teasing between all three of them and the afternoon practically melted away. It was easy between them, it always was, and Sora felt thankful that they still had this...  
  
"So..." She began after a while, looking a bit sheepish. "I know you guys don't have to.. but for four days a week starting Monday, I'll be doing training with Lea again.. It was actually his idea, I think he misses me~" She laughed, teasing the man that wasn't even there right now but Sora was staring, as was Riku. "And Roxas, Xion, and Isa will be there too--" She gushed and that actually did bring a smile to Sora's face after the initial shock of that bomb drop. But, Sora reasoned, it was just like having a job...And besides, Kairi loved making new friends, just like Sora did. This would be good for her.   
  
"What did you mean, we don't have to?" Sora asked curiously, once that phrasing set in and he could see Riku's mirrored expression from the corner of his eye.  
  
"Oh-- Just that, if you two wanted to come, you could. But honestly?" She paused and let out a light laugh when Sora leaned in and gestured her to continue. "I think you two should stay here for a while... You deserve some peace and quiet."  
  
"...." Riku said nothing as he sat straight in his chair, looking as though he was pondering something, but Sora couldn't read his mind. Much as he wanted to.  
  
"But we can visit whenever?" Asked as he looked skyward, his hand behind his head... He wanted to see everyone, but Kairi was right. He also just wanted to be _home_ for a while. He got the feeling Riku did too. Kairi nodded and reached over to place her hand over Sora's, and he caught the way Riku's lips turned down a bit more, before suddenly relaxing when she did the same to him.   
  
"Yeah~ Whenever you want. I'll still be here half of the week anyway, but... I was thinking of apprenticing eventually. Maybe become an instructor for future keyblade wielders." She explained and Sora let out a comical _whaaa_ \-- sound that just made her laugh.  
  
"Really?? Kairi, that's great!" He gushed, amazed, and realized that was a perfect path for her. He would have been jealous but that wasn't how he worked and seeing the way her eyes sparkled speaking of it? It was everything in the world that he wanted for her.  
  
"Kairi, when did you decide this?" Riku finally spoke up, looking as surprised and impressed as Sora did, albeit more subtly. But Sora knew. He could read every emotion on Riku's face.  
  
"Ever since I started training. But when Sora.... disappeared, I didn't want to look at another keyblade ever again.." She said more softly, her blue eyes rimmed with purple and so saddened with the memories they all shared.. "But then I realized, if I could _help_ others, maybe... this sort of tragedy would never hurt them the way it has hurt us." She explained this, her tone so.. incredibly genuine and beautiful, and Riku leaned forward a little to turn his hand in her grasp and squeeze gently. It made Sora's heart warm seeing that.  
  
"I'm proud of you, Kairi.." He said so simply and yet, the way her eyes lit up made it feel like he'd just told her she'd saved a thousand worlds and hearts.  
  
"Thank you, Riku..." She had tears in her eyes when she came around the table to just, hug them both. It made Sora laugh, but Riku was more quiet. Putting his arm around her, and his other around Sora. The way they were headed, it felt like the right path. At least, he hoped it was...  
  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.  
  
It was hours later and more when Sora woke from another nightmare, alone in his own bed for once. His heart hammered, the images behind his eyelids causing him literal pain that he was almost certain his heart was being splintered. Memories lingered. Kairi; slashed across her back, shattering into a thousand pieces. Riku... Disappearing into a bright light and then darkness, his heart eventually fizzling out as it was engulfed by the demon tide. Sora panted, shaking as tears slid down his cheeks in streams as he eventually began to sob. "S--stop--" He stammered, pulling his knees up and hugging himself tightly as the memories overtook his mind and he couldn't find a way out. It _hurt_ , every bit of his heart was in pain and yet even logic couldn't reach him.  
  
"Riku's alive. Kairi's alive.. They all are.. It's okay..." He whispered to himself in the darkness of his room, and whimpered as it did nothing to help him. He rocked a little on his mattress, forcing deep breaths that came out shakily. It didn't help. Nothing did. He'd been sleeping in Kairi's bed ever since he came back. And then Riku's. But he thought.. he'd chance it this time. He thought he could be strong enough. Why was he so _weak???_ And why did he expect someone to come save him right then from this panic attack? He shook his head, his blue eyes growing dim with stubbornness that shouldn't be there.   
  
He could do this. He _would_ do this.   
  
Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That ending was actually something that came out of nowhere, but dealing with intense depression right now myself brought it out and I thought it was fitting for Sora to have to deal with it. And he's stubborn enough to hide his pain, I think, so we're going to explore that in the chapters to come.
> 
> Also, Kairi is incredibly soft and beautiful to write?? I never knew this???


	3. Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A stressful encounter and dreamscapes

_"....Sora...."_  
  
Riku spoke his name, half asleep in the dead of night but not out of longing or heartbreak. His name came to his lips before Riku was even conscious and he blinked up at the ceiling, confused. And even more so when he felt the wetness of tears slide down from the corners of his eyes. Without another word he reached his hand up and wiped the tears away in surprise, furrowing his brows before suddenly losing his breath. It was like... a spear of pain hit his heart and he felt the intense need to dive into Sora's dreams again... Only, there was nothing to dive into.  
  
And just like that, it clicked.   
  
"Another nightmare...." He whispered into the dark and flicked his lamp on as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. After a moment, he looked at his phone to see if Sora had messaged, but no. Nothing. "...What are you dreaming of, Sora..?" He asked himself, so unsure of this sudden development. It had been nearly every night that he'd woken feeling on edge but it was the worst it had been since this started and he knew exactly why that was. Sora. He could feel his nightmares, but he always seemed to miss the chance to dive in and save his best friend himself.  
  
Riku sighed as he lifted a hand to smoothed his hair back, taking up his phone at the same time and... called Sora; knowing he was awake. At first, Riku didn't think he was going to answer but after a while of stubbornly staying on the line, Sora's voice came through.  
  
"Hello..?"  
  
"Sora--" Riku sighed again, but now in relief.... Only to pause as he wasn't sure how to ask about this. Would it be weird that he could feel his distress? Feel his nightmares and the heartbreak it caused him?  
  
"That's me~" He chimed, but it sounded so strained. Riku narrowed his eyes and thinned his lips, knowing well when Sora was forcing it.  
  
".....You never told me what you've been having nightmares of." He stated plainly and heard nothing for several minutes but still, he stayed on the line, determined to get the answer out of him.  
  
"It's okay, really. It's just... stress. Trauma. That sort of thing." Sora explained but Riku could practically feel the hand wave he was doing right then. Brushing it off like it was nothing.  
  
"Sora. Talk to me." He stated more seriously, knowing that demanding with an edge to his voice would only make Sora back off. He could feel the tension as Sora remained quiet, could picture every bit of Sora's mannerisms despite not even being in the same room as him right then.  
  
"....Riku, I don't... really have much to say on it, okay? It's difficult to put into words but, it's just me having nightmares of what happened. That's all." He finally explained and yet, Riku could still hear that hesitance, the way he kept just enough under the surface without letting him know the full story.  
  
"I get that, all too well." Riku stated quietly, having been through hell himself, though on a different path than Sora's.. "But talking about it might help.." He heard Sora's intake of breath, like he was getting ready to go into a long explanation... But it passed without a word and Riku's heart faltered with the hesitance. Why didn't he want to tell him?? What was so wrong that he didn't want to explain this to his best friend?  
  
"You never did." Sora stated quiet plainly and Riku realized then just why Sora didn't want to speak to him. He'd always been so closed off, so do-it-yourself and suffer-in-silence. Of course Sora didn't think he should burden him with this. He probably thought that Riku would see him differently if he tried.  
  
"That's.... not exactly fair, Sora. We all have our own ways of dealing with things.. and we were separated for a long time... I couldn't have talked to you if I tried." He reasoned, but he could already sense Sora clamming up.  
  
"Right... But you could have. We had plenty of time between missions-- We were even on the island for months before we were called away again by Mickey--"  
  
Riku listened, and suddenly wondered how it had been turned around on him. He thought back to then... How he would go to Sora's room in the Mystic Tower and raise his hand to knock so they could finally, really sit down and talk about everything. How he'd hesitated, and finally lowered that hand to leave him be despite it being the last thing he wanted to do. He'd done much the same thing when they'd been back here, as Sora had just mentioned, and obviously, he'd chickened out then as well. It wasn't... easy for Riku to talk about this. But if he wanted to talk to anyone.. it was Sora.  
  
With a look of resignation as he held the phone quietly to his ear, he realized that he'd failed Sora in more ways than one... More ways than Sora even knew. "I see..." He finally said, his voice quiet and shut off. "I won't bother you again, Sora. Sorry..." The words were out before he could properly think of their consequences and he could sense again that Sora hesitated as his own heart felt weighted down.  
  
"....K. Gotcha. I'm going back to bed.. I'll, see you tomorrow." Sora said fairly dismissively and that just made Riku feel worse. Like there was a crevasse opening up between them. It hurt... But that wasn't anything he wasn't used to.   
  
"...Good night, Sora..."  
  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.  
  
"I'll see you two soon! Be good~"   
  
Kairi waved as she climbed aboard the gummi ship after gifting them both with a hug that they sorely needed... But she was only a phone call away and Riku was determined to remember that. Especially after how things had suddenly drifted between him and Sora. He snuck a glance at him as the ship took off, leaving them both in the chaotic wind, and Sora was smiling. It would have been reassuring, had there not been shadows beneath his usually bright blue eyes. When the wind calmed, Riku turned towards him, wanting to talk, but Sora had only glanced at him, smiled, and made some excuse that he was busy before bolting off.   
  
This left Riku in a perplexed mood, so much so that he ended up wandering alone... It was a while later that he ended up going to their play island and leaning against the old Paopu tree for some time to think. But really, he had so much time to think lately that he felt like he was going crazy. It sucked, for lack of a better word. He was tired of being closed off, tired of being left behind. Was this how Kairi had felt when they'd run off on adventures without her? No wonder she'd been so angry...  
  
"Wow, you got that _brooding_ look down."  
  
Riku jumped, thinking for sure it was Sora, and wondered by he sounded so rude and condescending.... only to turn around and see...  
  
"...Vanitas?" His name came out easily, but Riku stared as he saw him up close for once. He looked so like Sora, if Sora were a vindictive jerk with black hair and golden eyes, of course. "I thought you were with Aqua, Terra, and Ventus?"   
  
"Was." The blackhaired boy stated simply, standing just by the wooden bridge.   
  
"Okay... Why are you here?" Riku asked, stepping away from the tree and looking at him with suspicion, unsure of his intentions but Vanitas turned his golden eyes on him and rolled them at the way Riku was exuding distrust.  
  
"Cool it, Hero. I'm just exploring. You lot are boring as hell so I'm antsy." He scoffed in Riku's direction, walking onto the island and looking out. "I saw you when you were a kid, you know? You were insufferable then too."  
  
"...." Riku thinned his lips, but relaxed his stance at least. Vanitas had been saved, brought back and given a second chance despite several of the guardian's discomfort over the decision. But Sora and Ven had been adamant. "If you're here to see Sora, he's not around." Riku stated sternly, but Vanitas didn't react.  
  
"I don't care about that loser. But I gotta admit, I'm surprised. I thought he'd be clinging to you now that he finally has his Riku back--" His resounding laugh was cruel. "Aw.... Wait. Are you being neglected?"   
  
Riku didn't give him the satisfaction of a response but he did cross his arms and look away which only brought an irritated _'tch'_ sound from the other young man. It didn't shut him up though as he just kept going--  
  
"How sad-- And after _you_ saved him. Ungrateful much?"   
  
Riku could sense a trap when he heard it and instead of continuing this he just, straightened up and went to walk away. Moving past him as the sea wind brushed over them both. But as he did, Vanitas reached out and grabbed his wrist; grinning back at him in a way that was so unlike Sora, Riku felt uncomfortable just looking at him.  
  
"I bet you haven't even told him what you _really_ did for him." Vanitas lowered his voice, getting some sick thrill out of messing with him. Riku frowned all the more and pulled his wrist free in a single jerking motion.   
  
"You know nothing about what I did."  
  
"Don't I?" Vanitas countered, tilting his head a little with his hand on his chin. Riku could even see his little canines when he grinned like this.  
  
"Let's see. Kairi couldn't find him. You did.. because of that pesky Dream Eater link.. but you couldn't _just_ use the power of waking on a heart that's been shattered." Vanitas spoke of this like he actually had a clue... "You got the idea from Ventus, didn't you? When his heart was fractured, he went to Sora to keep him safe. The only reason Sora's even _here_ is because you did the same thing... You're holding him together, aren't you? And yet what does he do?"  
  
Riku stayed silent, looking at Vanitas with eyes that were visibly uncomfortable. He was right... He could literally _feel_ Sora's emotions and distress now after having merged his heart with his to bring him back... That was much more than just some Dream Eater link..  
  
"He ignores his precious Riku. I wonder why..." Vanitas continued and Riku actually wanted to hit him in that moment. He was so insufferable-- "I bet he's realized you think he's a failure for not being named Keyblade Master. For failing to protect you and everyone else in that final battle." He finished with a nasty grin and that brought Riku up short. Riku simply, looked confused.   
  
"...What? He did."   
  
"Are you sure about that?"  
  
....He did. Riku remembered it all clearly, though sometimes he got flashes in his mind of things he'd never actually seen. He remembered sometimes.... Standing in front of Sora with his keyblade poised and ready... Ready to protect him. Ready to do anything for Sora. But that hadn't happened... He always assumed it was just a dream born of his devotion to his best friend... Now though, he wondered. He'd spaced out so thoroughly that when he looked up, questions on his tongue, Vanitas was nowhere to be found. Riku blinked, turning and searching in surprise at his sudden disappearance.   
  
"Vanitas!" He called, and received no answer... But of course, Vanitas had done exactly what he'd set out to do; woven doubt in Riku's mind.. He didn't need to stick around to watch the drama that would ensue though Riku wouldn't be surprised if he did.

  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

  
Time sure moved slow when you were waiting for something.  
  
Riku laid on his bed doing just that. He'd made the decision to dive into Sora's dreams that night and dammit was he going to follow through. At this point, he felt like this was the only way to find answers... Had he broken something in Sora by... merging his heart with his? He hadn't told anyone of that, not even Sora, but it _had_ been the only way to save him and bring him home. But if he was being honest, didn't he do it out of desperation to not lose him? Shouldn't he have asked Sora if he minded?   
  
Riku closed his eyes, feeling stressed and worried. Would Sora hate him for this? Should he even tell him? Riku had no idea as he rolled onto his side. He hadn't seen Sora since Kairi left though he'd gone to his home, to the beaches. Everywhere. And that made Riku feel more alone than the darkness had. Where was he? Why was he avoiding him? He knew it had to do with the phone call... but why?  
  
He wasn't expecting it when it suddenly happened-- A bolt of panic, desperation, and fear shot through him and pushed away Riku's own worries as he knew instantly that they weren't his own emotions. It was Sora. He shuddered from the feel of it before realizing Sora was dreaming again. Now was his chance....  
  
Riku closed his eyes without a moment of hesitation... and dove into Sora.  
  
...  
  
  
...  
  
  
When Riku opened his eyes again, he was staring out at the expanse of the Keyblade Graveyard, a place that haunted even his own nightmares, but never like this...  
  
 _"Riku!!"_   
  
He jolted, turning at the sound of Sora's broken voice; broken in a way that Riku had never heard in all his life or in all the years he'd known Sora better than even himself. But Sora wasn't calling to him, exactly; he was calling to the dream version of Riku... Who stood before him, playing out the very dream that Riku had experienced himself. Facing the demon tide and protecting Sora with all he had.... And it wasn't enough. Riku watched as this dream version of himself eventually disintegrated as his heart gave and he dispersed into nothing before Sora's tear streaked face. And Sora, who reached out while on his knees with a shattered look on his face as the darkness rushed towards him.  
  
Oh god... Had Riku been the one that gave him this dream?? Was it because their hearts were shared now that Sora experienced this??  
  
"Sora-- _Wake up!"_ He called to him, but it sounded muted even to him and when he tried to run to him, to protect him still, he moved so slowly than he was stunned. This wasn't some ordinary nightmare and he saw that immediately as darkness began to touch his own limbs. Creeping up his legs to trap him.  
  
 _"What?!"_ He pulled and fought, but it felt like... Actual darkness-- How?! Riku somehow kept his cool even then from sheer determination to save Sora from this but when he looked up and saw nothing but the darkness engulfing the area where Sora had been, he felt genuine fear and desperation. _**"Sora!!!"**_ He called for him, reaching out towards where his best friend had been in that darkness. His keyblade appeared in his hand in a flash and a blast of white light radiated out from him and the weapon itself as it resonated with his heart and need to protect this one person. His soulmate..  
  
Somehow, it worked. The darkness was combated and Sora reappeared as it dispersed; falling backwards onto the ground as Riku ran to him. He felt hopeful in that moment as he reached him, kneeling down to Sora's unconscious body to pull him into his arms again... But the moment Riku touched him, the dream broke away and he found himself back in his own room, breathing heavily with his keyblade in hand even in sleep. A rush of emotions, both his own and Sora's, flooded into him. Confusion, panic certainly, but more. Was that... anger? Riku didn't know, but he was going to find out. He reached for his phone once he'd calmed down and his keyblade disappeared before he called Sora once more in the dead of night. It rang on and on before being put to voicemail and Riku called three times... Sora was awake, but ignoring him and that knowledge hurt his heart. Why was this all happening???   
  
Riku set the phone down, his brows pulling together in irritation. If Sora wasn't going to come to him for help, then Riku was going to go to _him_. He stood up, knowing and not caring that he was a mess as he pulled on his clothes and left his home to go to Sora's without pausing for even his jacket. He was tired of this. Hadn't they already lost enough time together? Not anymore if he had anything to say about..  
  
Riku was so determined walking through the darkened streets of their home that when he finally climbed up to Sora's window to knock, opening it a moment after, that he was completely stunned to see.. His best friend's room was empty.... His bed was a mess, and there were clothes across the floor as usual but, Sora wasn't there. Riku even walked across the room and into the hall to see if anyone was awake or downstairs but.. nothing. With a sinking feeling, Riku realized that maybe, Sora just didn't want him to be a huge part of his life anymore despite their talk last week... It hurt to even think but, Riku had to face the facts. Whatever was wrong with Sora, he wasn't being invited in to help him.. The question still remained, however...  
  
Where had Sora gone...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love bouncing back and forth between these two, I feel like it keeps the story going through both of their perspectives. Also wanted to add a slight twist to work on in the chapters to come so we'll see how that goes~


	4. Trust in Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We got a lil shit stirring the pot because he jealous.

_"Soooora~"  
_  
The boy in question jolted-- stunned into hearing a voice so like his own and glanced up from where he'd been sitting dozing.. Darkness hung to the tree house's upper corner and out came a boy he knew all to well.   
  
"...Vanitas.. Not now, okay? I've barely had any sleep." Muttered feeling exhausted and emotionally drained.. He'd felt Riku dive into his nightmare, knew he'd witnessed all of it... He wished so desperately that he hadn't. It opened up an entire can of worms that Sora didn't want to deal with. So much so that he'd fled to the play island and hid himself away in the tree house. He barely even came up here so he doubted Riku would even think to look...  
  
"Aw, what's wrong with the precious little Sora?" Vanitas asked condescendingly and Sora let out a huff... "You and the mister have a fight~?" He continued to poke, his black spiky hair mirroring Sora's younger look. It was still so shocking to see. Like looking through a mirror to the past, but in a twisted reality.  
  
"Would you please just-- stop?? It's not that difficult to be a decent human being!" He finally snapped, the shadows under his eyes showing as the sun began to rise and light up the room a bit in pink light. Vanitas' laugh was vicious.  
  
"Oh, getting a little snippy there, I see."  
  
"Because of you! I'm _tired_ , Vanitas-- Just, get out!" Sora snapped again but only watched as Vanitas smirked back at him, apparently loving to see Sora so angry and disturbed. "Fine. I will." He huffed, standing to walk to the door only for Vanitas to appear in the entryway and put his hand on the arch. Effectively blocking him.  
  
"You know what's amusing?" Vanitas' tone was lilting, so pleased with himself for reasons that Sora didn't see or understand.  
  
"No." Sora stated simply, not humoring this, but Vanitas continued anyway and Sora crossed his arms indignantly.  
  
"When your precious little friends drifted away, their hearts scattering to the winds, we were so sure we'd won."  
  
Sora felt his heart stop as he listened to him, his blue eyes dimming even as the room became brighter and brighter as the morning light filtered in.. "That.... That never happened." He lied, refusing to acknowledge this.. He was the only one that remembered that, wasn't he??  
  
"Oh, but it did. And you know it. But then your sweet little boyfriend went and saved you-- Sacrificing himself to keep you safe and what did you do? You let the darkness take him. We thought the moment your heart shattered, we'd won too. But no-- You just had to find all those pieces of yourself again." Vanitas just kept talking, and his smirk made Sora feel ill...   
  
"Stop..."  
  
"The only reason it worked is because of that final act. Kairi held your heart together but Riku, he defied fate just to bring you back to him. What do you think that light was that guided you back? And what do you do? You go off on your own again to bring back Kairi and killing yourself in the process. Guess what, Sora? You don't get to just walk back into a paradox like this. You're not _supposed_ to be alive--"  
  
"Better they live... One person for the rest is worth it! I would have stayed away if I had to!"  
  
"You _do_ have to. The only thing keeping you here is this pathetic string--" Vanitas reached out and tugged on something Sora couldn't see but _felt_. It was like a jolt of pain stabbed into his very heart and he fell to his knees instantly, glancing down as he did to see an almost.. shimmering string wrapped around Vanitas' knuckles that connected to his chest. It faded in and out of existence depending on how the sun touched it.  
  
"W--what is...?" He stammered, the pain in his chest only heightening as Vanitas narrowed his eyes at him.   
  
"You can't have everything, Sora."   
  
_"Stop!"_ Sora winced, his breathing coming more ragged as that string was pulled only for him to catch a glint of steel out of the corner of his eye glanced up to see... Riku. He stood taller than both of them with his keyblade aimed at Vanitas.  
  
"Oops. I've been caught~" Vanitas let out a cruel little laugh and released his hold on Sora who immediately went slack and let out a breath... Whatever that was now eased and invisible again. Had it been the dream eater link? It couldn't have been.. You couldn't touch that.  
  
"You need to leave, now." Riku said lowly, stepping between him and Sora as if to protect his best friend but... all it did was make Sora feel even worse. Without sticking around to see how this went or even help, Sora simply... got to his feet and bolted. Running across the wooden pathway and to the ladder; soon gripping the sides to slide down and getting splinters in his calloused hands before suddenly stopping. This was a small island. Where could he hope to flee to? He couldn't avoid Riku, especially now... not that he even wanted to though to be honest. He just wanted to avoid the _subject_.  
  
With a look of resignation he made his way to the outcrop where the Paopu fruit grew. Walking slowly, he heard the voices of Riku and Vanitas fade as he went and came to stand on the bridge before he really looked up.. and froze for the second time that morning seeing... Riku... but it wasn't actually him. He recognized that immediately in their younger features and different clothing. The replica didn't say anything as they looked at Sora with the same expression that Riku did years ago before this all began... He looked lonely and uncertain.  
  
"....I don't know what to call you.." Sora admitted quietly to break the silence but knew that he could hear him. The replica sighed a little and shook his head.  
  
"It's okay... I'm sorry about Vanitas, Sora..."  
  
"Vanitas..?"  
  
"He's only doing this because.. He asked about my past... Or, well.. What I thought was my past. He's.... angry that I miss you even though you're not mine to miss.."  
  
Sora didn't say anything at that, though the look on his face switched from confused to.. upset as he realized... This Riku... he had all of their childhood memories. ".....I'm sorry.." The words finally came and he wondered... How had he missed that there was another Riku out there with all these memories but no friends to hold him up. "Oh god.. Riku, I--" He felt his heart squeeze as he went over to him, instinct driving him-- He hugged him without even thinking and felt the replica tense. It was weird. Sora was so used to being the smaller one that being the same size was, jarring.  
  
"It's-- It's okay, really. It wasn't something we could control, you don't have to try and comfort me..." He said and, lifted his hand to pat Sora's back before taking Sora's shoulders in hand and pushing him back a step. "I'm only here to get Vanitas. I didn't realize he'd come here. I thought he was just having one of his episodes, I didn't think he'd take it out on you two.."  
  
"B-- but _why_ is he? I don't understand." Sora admitted, feeling distressed over more than one thing and it made his head hurt.. Riku's replica gave him a saddened look, like he didn't want to say it but he was going to anyway. It was so like the Riku Sora knew that it was hard to separate them in that moment..  
  
"Because... You weren't there for me. You didn't even try to be. It was really difficult for me to accept that you're not actually _my_ Sora." They took a deep breath and let go of Sora before glancing over Sora's shoulder. "You're his." He nodded in the direction behind Sora and, when the brunette looked behind himself, he saw why... His Riku was there, keyblade still in hand and taller than either of them. The feeling in Sora's chest was instantaneous where it hadn't been upon seeing the replica... Warm and relieved despite all this stress. When he glanced back at the replica, though, they simply shrugged and stepped away.  
  
"I'll take Vanitas away and, talk to him. I'm sorry, Sora... He just, likes to stir things up. It's his nature." The replica said and distanced himself more as Riku came walking towards them. Sora could feel his footsteps in the wooden bridge.   
  
"...What do I.. call you now?" Sora asked and he watched them pause a little, considering..  
  
"How about.... Rikuto? Similar enough, but at least it tells us apart.." He finally decided and Sora nodded, smiling a little again though it didn't reach his eyes..  
  
"You got it, Rikuto." He said for extra measure and watched the replica actually smile a little before jumping clear off the bridge before the actual Riku could talk to him and going off to find Vanitas, leaving Riku and Sora alone again...   
  
Their silences were never awkward, but in that moment, it was certainly tense as Sora turned to look up at him. Neither said anything at first and when it became obvious that Sora wasn't going to, Riku finally spoke; his keyblade disappeared as it was dismissed from his hand.  
  
"Vanitas is fine. Just dazed." He explained and Sora went to open his mouth to say something... only to sigh a little and nod, more subdued than ever. "Sora--" Riku started, but Sora just shook his head and turned to go onto the little island where they always sat together, knowing his best friend would follow...  
  
And he did, Sora could hear his footfalls behind him. By the time he took his spot on the tree with Riku leaning against it, Sora's silence had stretched on unbearably but Riku didn't poke once. It was only when Sora finally looked over at him that Riku lifted his gaze and made Sora's heart stutter at the look in his eyes. "Wh-- what?"  
  
"I heard all that Vanitas said to you, Sora... Maybe not the very beginning but..." He sighed, shaking his head and making his silver hair fall even more into his eyes. "What happened at the Keyblade Graveyard? I thought that the nightmare was just that but... did it _actually happen?"_ Riku finally asked without simply beating around the bush and Sora glanced away, out at the ocean and the shining fractured light across it's surface... "Sora.." He continued and reached over to place his hand over his. Sora didn't flinch, but his expression crumbled a little.. "I remember sometimes, images that were in your nightmares. Before I even dived in to see for myself.."  
  
Sora took a deep breath, avoiding Riku's gaze. "That's because... It did happen.. Everything Vanitas said, it all happened. You died.. everyone did... even me.." He said quietly, and when he finally looked at Riku it was with a fake, watery smile and shrug of his shoulders. "It's, really confusing and it's a paradox, like he said, so I can't really explain it but.. Uhm.." His words cut off and Riku's eyes had widened and looked distressed as tears streamed down Sora's cheeks. Was he remembering that last look that Sora had given him before he'd died in that.. alternate timeline? Probably.  
  
"....." Riku didn't say anything, but Sora could see that his pale complexion became even more so and he wasn't sure what to say himself.  
  
"You.... you guided me back. Or.. your heart did? It was like a shining beacon.." Sora took a shuddering breath, trying to get his crying under control and wiped his eyes even as Riku continued to stare at him in stunned silence. "But... what I don't understand is.. what Vanitas did to me back there. He pulled on something-- Like a string, but it wasn't our Dream Eater li--"  
  
"I merged my heart with yours to bring you back, Sora. That's what he was pulling on; the connection between us. I don't think he could break it, but if he did, I think we'd both be lost." Riku suddenly blurted out and Sora widened his eyes and practically fell off of the tree in his stunned state-- He landed on his feet though and stumbled.   
  
"You-- You _ **what???"**  
  
"I had to."_ Riku said more calmly than Sora and lifted his hands to Sora's shoulders. "You really believe I would have left you there? Your heart was fractured, you were too far gone in the space between worlds but I wasn't going to leave without you." His voice was so stern and sure that Sora felt the sudden astonished anger drift away as quickly as it came. Even still, he lifted his hands to grip Riku's shirt, looking up at him with all the fierceness he could muster.  
  
"You put yourself in danger, Riku!! If something happens to me--"  
  
"Then it happens to me too. I don't care. I'm not living without you again. I've been through it, and it's hell itself." Riku's voice was so sure that Sora didn't know what to say.. His fists loosened a bit and he pressed his palms to Riku's chest. "And it won't, anyway. I'm here. We both are. We can protect eachother... We're a team, aren't we?" Riku asked and Sora just... nodded mutely. Feeling like everything... kind of made sense in a twisted sort of way. He didn't say anything, but when Riku finally pulled him closer, Sora let him. The embrace was different than when they had hugged a thousand times before, but he liked it.. Maybe even more. His heart felt warm and he wasn't sure if that fluttering feeling was coming from himself or Riku, but it was nice regardless.  
  
He tried not to question it but the confusion came anyway. Being enveloped in his best friend's arms like this, with his head against his chest and his eyes closed. He felt safer, and more complete than ever.. Was it because they literally shared a heart now? It made sense... but Sora wasn't sure. Even before this, he'd sometimes catch Riku looking at him a certain way and it would make his heart do flips... He always assumed it was due to simply having him back again and that friendship healed and rekindled. It had meant the world to him then, it meant to world to him now. The only problem was....  
  
It seemed to break open the floodgates to every bit of panic and sadness that Sora had kept inside for so long and Sora hated it. It couldn't be controlled though, he knew and accepted that. When he reached around to return the embrace, Sora gripped Riku's shirt and finally broke down in his arms. It starts with silent tears and anguish before turning into body wracking sobs that only the two of them witnessed. And thank god for that, as Sora could barely even accept showing weakness to Riku, let alone anyone else.   
  
He didn't know how long it lasted, but they somehow ended up on the ground itself with Sora clinging to Riku, his face buried against his chest as the tears had slowed and finally stopped all together. Sora sniffled a bit, turning his head to breathe and be able to look out at the ocean again. "...This sucks.." He said indignantly, his tone depressed and subdued, but Riku didn't answer him so.. he glanced up and saw that Riku's eyes were watering. He couldn't even remember the last time Riku had cried. "Riku..?"  
  
"I'm alright.." He said, taking a deep breath, his brows furrowed and the line of his jaw set... "I can just... feel your emotions now. It gets more intense the closer I am to you; I didn't realize you were in this much pain." And Sora felt his stomach drop a bit at those words even as he felt Riku's hand rubbing soothing circles on his back.  
  
"I'm... I'm sorry, Riku..." But he shook his head.   
  
"Don't be.. I've been wanting you to open up to me since you came back.."  
  
"You shouldn't have to feel this though--"  
  
"I'd suffer with you through every one of your panic attacks than allow you to drift away again, Sora. Believe me.. it's... worth it." Riku said this while looking away but the moment their eyes connected again, it felt like... time stopped for a moment and the feeling was so foreign that Sora wasn't sure how register it.   
  
"Oh... okay.." He said a bit stumped, before making a face at how stupid he sounded... but the look on Riku's face made him feel better.. The small quirk to his lips showing subtle amusement at Sora's reaction and it lifted his heart a little.. "Sorry, I just.. I don't hear that a lot. Or ever." But Riku rolled his eyes and scruffed up Sora's hair.   
  
"Stop apologizing, Sora. You don't need to."  
  
"...But I do, right? If I hadn't run off the way I did, we wouldn't be connected like this and you wouldn't feel all I'm going through..."  
  
"We also wouldn't have Kairi, now would we?" Riku reasoned, his hand still in Sora's messy hair. When Sora sighed and looked up at him knowing he was right, he let his hand drop a bit and cup his best friend's cheek in a way that was definitely not strictly friendly.. And Sora almost felt Riku pull away before he suddenly closed his eyes and leaned against his palm.. He didn't see Riku's reaction, but felt the resounding tension ease in his hand and body.  
  
"You're right... It's better this way." Sora relented, feeling no regrets in what he did, but worrying for what this all meant. They stayed like that for some time in silence until the wind picked up and Sora felt something heavy smack his head and jolt the two of them apart--  
  
"Ah-- Ow! What--" He rubbed the back of his head and, glanced down between them where the thing had fallen and saw.. a Paopu fruit. Bright yellow and ripe. "Oh." He.. let out an embarrassed laugh and wiped his face to be clear of any tear streaks on his cheeks as he straightened up. "I swear, even the fruit has it out for me." He joked, his cheeks a little red at having a Paopu fruit of all things falling between them, but looked up at the sound of Riku's chuckle.  
  
"It's not Vanitas, that's for sure." He said with amusement and reached down to pick it up; wiping the sand off and held the star shaped fruit in his hands. "....Remember when I handed you one of these before everything... happened?"  
  
Sora tilted his head a little, remembering.. "Yeah. You teased me about the raft and how the winner of the race could share a Paopu with Kairi..." But Riku didn't look at him, only shaking his head a little.  
  
"I was testing to see if you felt like that for her, actually. I wasn't sure.. You were hard to read but everyone said you two would be perfect together so, I wanted to know without asking you outright."   
  
"That sounds like you."   
  
"Yeah... It does." Riku sighed a little and looked up at Sora. "I wanted to share one with you, though." The words hit like a ton of bricks though Riku looked calm as ever. Sora, though....  
  
 _".........What?"_ He asked in a quietly strained voice-- "You-- I mean... _What??"_ Riku had been teasing back then.. but he'd been the one to toss the fruit to Sora... and when Sora had gotten embarrassed and tossed it away, Riku had taken off running. Had he been upset? They were just kids back then..  
  
"I felt the distance between us back then and it... scared me.. So I wanted to grab onto that legend so we wouldn't have a choice and be separated. It was selfish. I guess I still am."   
  
"Scared?" Sora asked, unsure of what to think of all of this but Riku shook his head.  
  
"No. Selfish. You're connected to me now without giving you a choice... I'm sorry, Sora." He clarified and looked as though he felt like everything might be ruined in that moment but.. Sora lifted his hand to place over Riku's where he was holding the fruit. It seemed to ease Riku's worries.  
  
"It's okay.. We already had all these other links. I don't think we could have stopped this from happening even if we wanted to."   
  
"...You really think so?"   
  
Sora nodded, smiling more steadily now. "Yeah.. I know so." Riku looked back at him for a moment before finally taking a deep breath and setting aside the fruit on the sand and scooted back against the tree trunk to sit more casually now that Sora wasn't half way in his lap and clinging. It didn't stay like that though, as Sora had always been the type to be touchy and invade space.. And he did that right then. Scooting up against Riku's side and leaning against him heavily without a word. Riku kept quiet even then and put an arm around him as they simply looking out at the waves together. Sora felt, cautiously optimistic in that moment. Riku didn't know everything just yet... but he would tell him eventually. He knew Riku wouldn't poke and prod to know his secrets before Sora was ready to talk about it at least.  
  
That in itself calmed Sora's anxiety and he took a deep breath to let himself accept that things might be okay again at some point in the future.  
  
"...Thank you, Riku.. For everything."  
  
Riku didn't say anything even then, but he did lift his hand to run his fingers through Sora's spiky hair. The gesture so sweet and affectionate that it made his heart slow and warm at the same time. He'd been unknowingly needing this sort of thing... Deep and uninhibited understanding and affection. He'd felt so alone for so long... ever since the end of the Mark of Mastery exam or even before then but especially afterwards. He'd felt like he didn't belong anywhere. That he wasn't good enough. It wasn't helped by Donald and Goofy's commentary; their half-pint comments. How everyone seemed to talk down to him in teasing tones. He knew they hadn't meant it in that way but Riku.... He was the only one that hadn't joined in on that. He was the only one that seemed to believe in him, without restraint.  
  
That knowledge brought a bittersweet feeling to his heart even though Riku was right there beside him in that moment. Sora felt that same feeling from when they were children. That intense, certain emotion of knowing that Riku was his other half. His very best friend. It brought a smile to Sora's lips as he stayed like this against him, his arm around Riku's back.  
  
"..Riku....?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"....Do you believe in soulmates?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riku and Sora's relationship has a lot of emotion without words and I live for it

**Author's Note:**

> This is a dabble I did to get SoRiku's chemistry out of my system and give them a start to a happy ending. I don't have more chapters planned but I might be persuaded if people get interested~ Thank you for reading!


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